Skirts or blue jeans?

There has been a debate going on within the Christian community as to whether it is feminine for a girl to wear jeans.

I would like to add another question to that debate: Is it advantageous to the Gospel for a girl to wear jeans?

Is it feminine to wear jeans?
Arguably, it is more feminine to wear skirts. However, it is simple enough to be feminine in jeans as well. Buying jeans from the womens' section is a good starting point. Blouses, jewelry, and pretty updos also help. Finally, carrying a feminine purse can complete the outfit with a feminine flair. Yes, it can be feminine to wear jeans.

Is it advantageous to the Gospel for a girl to wear jeans?
That depends on the culture you're in. I've heard that, in Mexico, Christian women are associated with skirts. So, in that culture, it may be better for a girl to wear a skirt. If you'd like to minister to the Amish (I'm not kidding), wearing a skirt is a good idea. If your situation is such that wearing a skirt is (a) required, or (b) acceptable (not too unusual), I would say that it's an excellent idea.
Nevertheless, for ministering to our culture it can be helpful to wear jeans. Let's look at the five questions I presented earlier for evaluating this issue:
The main question: "Should I wear skirts?"
1. Does the Bible explicitly command it?
No

2. Will it help me connect with the culture?
Not really

3. Will it help or hurt my faith?
That depends on where you are in your walk with Jesus. If it could make you prideful, it might hurt your faith. If it could help you act feminine, it might strengthen your faith.

4. Will it help or hurt others' faith?
It might be distracting for others, be percieved as a requirement for becoming a Christian, or make them feel looked down upon. Alternatively, it could encourage them to be more modest or feminine - but only focus on that if the crowd you're dealing with is already Christians.

5. What attitude/image does it portray?
Possible images: feminine (good), prideful (bad), self-confident (good), not needing approval from others (good), out-of-touch (bad), not hip (bad), ignorant (bad), old-fashioned (neutral).
The MOST IMPORTANT question: What is God calling you to do?
My thoughts: I love skirts! However, many of the people in my life right now need to see my blue-jeans side. They need to know that I see the same things they see, that I wear some of the same things they wear, but that it doesn't change the way I act, my Christianity, or my view on life. It may be different for you, or it may be the same.

The fact is, it's not "better" to wear blue jeans or "better" to wear skirts. It all depends on your situation. Do what God is calling you to do, because that's best.

Note: I wrote this post with girls who are ministering to the lost or baby Christians of our culture in mind, since that's what this blog is about: holding on to Jesus while establishing a healthy cultural presence (discovering what it means to be "in the world, but not of the world").

Misunderstandings

Communication is one of the best skills a person can have. Needless to say, it is extremely helpful in the Christian life. From witnessing to encouraging to building Christian relationships, this is one skill that could always use a little improvement.

Jesus is the best communicator in the world. "[S]o is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it" is what God says in Isaiah 55:11. Wouldn't that be wonderful: to always let your words have the effect you desire? Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart," and 1 Timothy 3:16 says "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." Obviously, then, the best communication is done by God Himself.

Communications between humans are less smooth. One thing that we should always be aware of is the probability of misunderstandings. If we are always willing to listen to the others' viewpoint and then calmly state our own, we will realize that many situations are much more innocent than they appear at first glance.

Let me illustrate with two examples. Mary thinks that going out to eat is special and symbolizes close friendship. Her two best friends, however, don't realize that. They think going out to eat is just that: going to a restaurant, ordering food, and eating, but nothing special. Mary's best friends go to a restaurant without Mary. Without careful, loving explanations, this friendship is doomed.
Jane tells her friend Naomi to drop by for a sleepover "next Saturday." At the time, Naomi is distracted and remembers Jane as saying "this Saturday." Naomi is dropped off at Jane's house on the wrong day, when Jane isn't home. She believes Jane is being mean to her. Naomi doesn't know that the real date was a week later, and she never shows up. Once again, an explanation between friends is in order - but doesn't always happen.

My point: don't jump to conclusions. Our words aren't magic; people don't always know what we mean. They fill in missing information from their past experiences, which may or may not be the same as our past experiences. Don't let misunderstandings divide your friendships. Instead, realize that both you and your friends were trying to do the right thing. Somehow, you got mixed up - so laugh about it! Have a good time! Schedule another fun activity, bond once again, and stay focused on Jesus, the ultimate communicator.

The right mindset

"It's OK if I get mad...it's not nearly as bad as some of the things girls my age do."
"What was wrong with it? It's not like I dyed my hair purple or skipped school."
"I'm not so bad."

If you've heard any of these voices inside your head recently, you've heard the voice of the enemy. God says that we are all sinners, and we know this - all the way up to the point when we hang out with our non-Christian friends. Then, it seems that we are somewhat good.

Before you ask why you should be hanging out with this sort of people, remember that Jesus says that "It is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick." (Matthew 9:12) We are supposed to socialize with this sort of people so that we can shine God's truth in their lives.

However, we are not to become like them or one of them. We are told to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). The Bible warns us that "[b]ad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33), so we always need to be on our watch. Yes, it can be difficult. Being around people doing "worse" sins than you can make you feel prideful.
Huge red flags should be going up here!
Are any sins "better" or "worse"? No, they're not. All sins are equal. That means that when you let your guard down on one area, even a little, you're doing something that put Jesus on the cross.
Do not settle for "good enough" by the world's standard, because with Jesus it's all or nothing.

Keep shining your light! :) :)

Week in Feminine Dress

Hi everyone,
Here's something I thought you'd be interested in: Week in Feminine Dress (Facebook).
God bless!

The lost art of letter writing

Handwritten letter. When was the last time you received one? In today's world, e-mails, twitter updates, and text messages abound. Not so for the letter; this beautiful expression of friendship has almost dwindled from society.

In this post, I'm going to evaluate the handwritten letter using the five basic questions that help me decide how important things are to our society and our faith. Feel free to change or add to this list; suggestions posted as comments are much appreciated!

The main question: "Should Christians make an effort to send handwritten, snail-mail letters? If so, how much effort?"
1. Does the Bible explicitly command it? No. Though it was the method Paul used, it was also the method his culture used to communicate.
2. Will it help me connect with the culture? Not really. Handwritten, snail-mail cards for occasions will help me show my friends they're valued, but in this culture it can never replace the <3 2 <3 connection of a txt or an e-mail. If I really want to connect, I'll have to be comfortable with electronic communication.
3. Will it help or hurt my faith? Letter writing will not hurt my faith, but texting and e-mailing can become addictive. It's good to be careful to only spend as much time is needed on these things so I can focus on face-to-face connections as well.
4. Will it help or hurt others' faith? Writing letters (but not communicating electronically) could distance me from others and make it more difficult to witness or give advice. It shouldn't hurt faith directly, but it could hurt indirectly.
5. What attitude/image does it portray? Letter writing can be seen as old-fashioned, feminine (if you use pretty stationary and good handwriting), and/or an extremely caring expression. How many people take the time to sit down and write a letter?
My thoughts: Yes - it's feminine! Yes, it's a great way to show your friends they're valued. No, you probably won't get any replies or close friendships this way. Sorry.
I recommend sending greeting cards. Homemade or store-bought, they're always a way to brighten a friend's day. They're fun to buy, fun to make, fun to write, they're feminine, they're caring, and they can't easily be replaced by an e-mail or a text.
As for close friendships, well....get out your cell phones and open your e-mail accounts!

Questions for discussion:

• How do you communicate most often? How do your friends communicate?
• Have you ever tried starting a snail-mail correspondence with your friends? What was the result?
• How can you better connect with your friends?
  

Women or Wimps?

Today, I read Susan Brownmiller's essay Femininity in 100 Great Essays (edited by Robert Diyanni).
I'd like to point out a few of the points at which I believe she is incorrect (note that our definitions of femininity are different):

• False belief: Feminine women are not career-minded.
• Correction: Feminine women can be career-minded. I'm very thankful for all the female scientists, doctors, professors, authors, businesswomen, CEOs...it's possible for women to be in positions of leadership in the business and academic world without losing their femininity.
• False belief: Feminine women are men-worshipers and men-catchers
• Correction: Femininity has nothing to do with man-worshiping. It has more to do with worshiping God and the roles and desires He places in our hearts. One can be feminine, pure, and happily single.
• False belief: Feminine women are weak and sentimental.
• Correction: Weakness and sentimentality has nothing to do with feminism. If you're weak and sentimental, that's your problem. We should find our stability in Jesus, regardless of our views on feminism. Weakness and sentimentality is never the answer.

Being feminine is dressing like a lady and acting in a polite manner. Yes, femininity includes letting men initiate discussions, relationships, and not volunteering to lead a group if a man is available to volunteer (this is in casual settings, not so much in business settings). This is practicing Biblical male leadership - NOT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR MALE SUPERIORITY, which is not Biblical! I cannot stress that enough: leaders are equal with followers. In fact, without leaders there would be no followers, and without followers there would be no leaders. Simply because women should not lead in some situations does not mean they are inferior to men. It takes a certain strength to lead, and it takes another kind of strength to follow.

Questions for discussion:

• What is your definition of feminism? How do you feel about the three points presented above? Do you have a different opinion?
  
• What are your views on male/female leadership? In what situations is it appropriate for a woman to lead? In what situations is it appropriate for her to follow? When should a woman sit back and wait for a man to lead, even if he is not initiating?

What's this blog about?

Hi girls,
I started this blog for Christian girls who are trying to establish a balance between being culturally relevant and Biblically obedient. I want to follow Christ in all I do, which means following 1 Timothy 2:7-8 ("In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us").

In the same line of thinking, however, I believe the Bible does not call us to be completely isolated from the culture:

• In Acts 10:13, Jesus tells Peter to "Kill and eat," just like the Romans in Peter's culture did. This became a witnessing tool.
• Romans 14:20 NIV: "Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble." I don't think this verse applies to food alone.
• 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 NIV: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." (emphasis mine)

The culture is trying to make girls look like men in the way they dress. They're trying to make girls act like men in the way they act. Nevertheless, God created men and women with equal but different roles, roles that are each beautiful in their own way. In this culture, we must find what it means to be a real, modern, feminine girl.
Besides, what would the world do without women? ;)
Questions for discussion:

• What do you think it means to be "culturally relevant"? Where do you draw the line between cultural connection and feminine living?
• What are the patterns in your life right now? Are you more feminine or more feminist? What are you doing to follow God? What are you doing that is cultural?
• Do you have any suggestions? (blog topics you'd like to see, ideas on how to be feminine yet relevant, etc).