Worth and Accomplishment

I've been trying to earn my worth.

After all, I mean, to be worth something in the world's eyes, you have to be great.

And I want to be great.

I want to be the best...the best at something. 

The trouble is, I'm not.

I'm not the best writer I know. I'm not the best student I know. I'm not the best friend I know. I'm not the best mentor I know. I'm not the best pianist I know. I'm not the best songwriter I know. I'm not the best blogger I know, the best fundraiser I know, the best teacher I know, the best artist I know.

I heard a song the other day. It came just as I was struggling with this issue of not being the best--of feeling like I'm worthless because I haven't done anything that others consider very worthwhile, and of feeling like I haven't found a purpose yet because I haven't found anything that I excel at.

The song (my new favorite) is Shadow of Angels by Building 429. Here are the lyrics that spoke to me:

I haven’t found me yet...

I got caught in the memories
Cause they never fail to prove
I’m insecure and incomplete
It’s a stinging point of truth

So I will never find the best of me
Until I find myself in You, I’ll find myself in You

Cause I believe that when I call for you
You hear the plea for my rescue
And You lift me up above the world I know
And I know that when I speak Your name
You hear my voice and send your saints
To cover me in the shadow of angels

Of course, on my iPod, this song was followed by Third Day's Who I Am ("This is who I am/This is who I am/So take me and make me something so much more") and Matthew West's More ("You are one in a million/And you belong to Me/I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine/...And you shine for me"). 

Talk about signals from God.

I am not my own. I am God's child first and foremost, and nothing I do can make me great. On the contrary; anything good I do must come from God and not myself. I need to live in God's will, remembering His love each moment of each day, and His work will be done. Even if the world says that I'm not great, He says I am great. Even if I can never write, play music, cook, photograph, draw, teach, fundraise, or do anything else "great," if I am living in God's love, I am living out my purpose--better, even, than those who do "great" things but don't pay attention to God.

My devotionals today "happened" to include John 15:5, which is extraordinarily applicable to this situation. It says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." 

Think about that.

In God alone do we bear much fruit.

Apart from God, we can do nothing.

As humans, we tend to be outcome-oriented. No matter how much work you put into that assignment--what was your grade? I don't care about how many fast-food places you applied to--do you have a job yet? You say your church is great, so prove it--how many people attend?

And the list goes on.

The problem is that when we look at results, we don't see the whole picture. We don't see motives. We don't see character. We don't see worship. We don't see, in reality, the most important part of the task: the part that involves the eternal things.

Someone who cheats in school can get an A from their teacher but an F from God. Someone who works their butt off looking for a job can fail in the world's eyes but gain valuable experience (and grow in patience!) with God. A church may be small, but its heart and devotion to the word of God could be bigger than the biggest megachurch.

As Christians, we're called to a different lifestyle. We're called to a whole lifestyle, which doesn't just include a whole bunch of results that can be listed. It's a journey. It's the stuff that doesn't show up on paper, but shines through in our life. If God only liked results, then He wouldn't leave us on earth--He'd just kill us off after we became Christians so that we could get right to His result, which is perfect life with Him in heaven. Instead, He gives us time here to develop our character. See? Even God is journey- and character-oriented.

So the next time you're discouraged, remember: growing your character and relationship with God is infinitely more important than all other "accomplishments."